I Design. I get paid to design and find a ton of satisfaction from it. In finding a craft that is both fulfilling and challenging; it is easy to see my value, worth, and identity through the lens of my design. However, this isn’t the truest thing about who I am. The struggle becomes more confusing when I begin to mask my insecurities with good things such as wanting to learn and grow.

Early into processing I can already begin to see my motivation becoming warped. When people respond to something in a particular way or I compare my work to others my heart begins to change. Insecurities begin to grow and suddenly nothing is kerned well enough, concepted deeply enough, or liked enough. A good design to grow turns into a need to be better than, a beautiful satisfaction becomes unrest, and a reflection of God’s character as creator becomes self focused.

There is so much to learn and grow in regarding my own heart with this so my conclusion may be premature but this is what I know. I am known, loved, and valued by God not according to the work I produce but according to what He has done. This will be a battle in my heart every time I start a project. I will need to fight to rest in that satisfaction and not operate out of insecurities.